Cluster Bombs and Cocaine: America’s Progressive Path to World Peace

It's an exquisite display of double standards, akin to a symphony of hypocrisy. Bravo, America! Your ability to juggle contradictions and maintain a straight face is truly awe-inspiring.

1 min read

by H. H. Albert

Oh, how wonderful it is to witness the never-ending marvels of human progress! Just when you thought the world couldn’t get any better, the United States swoops in to provide Ukraine with the gift that keeps on giving: unexploded cluster bombs. Why settle for ordinary explosives when you can have a ticking time bomb that delights in the misery of innocent lives?

But let’s not forget the United States’ role as the harbinger of democracy and freedom. In their infinite wisdom, they’ve decided to arm Ukraine with cluster bombs to effectively tackle those pesky Russians. Because, as we all know, nothing screams “peaceful resolution” like raining down explosive chaos on one’s adversaries. Bravo, Uncle Sam! You truly have a knack for diplomatic finesse.

Speaking of finesse, it’s heartwarming to see America’s obsession with youthfulness extend to their political landscape. The nation that once prided itself on wisdom and experience is now desperately yearning for a young chap to lead them. Forget the lessons learned from seasoned leaders; what we truly need is a sprightly young mind to guide us through these turbulent times. Who cares about competence and expertise when you can have a president who can Snapchat and TikTok?

Now, let’s turn our attention to the White House, that bastion of purity and virtue. It seems that history was made recently when the first traces of cocaine were discovered within its hallowed walls. How delightful! It’s almost as if the White House wanted to break free from its monotonous reputation and venture into the realm of illicit excitement. Clearly, this discovery marks a momentous occasion that should be celebrated with a pinch of irony.

And let us not forget America’s unwavering commitment to human rights and the rule of law. While sending cluster bombs to target their enemies, the United States diligently dispatches its ambassadors to other nations, urging them to uphold these noble principles. It’s an exquisite display of double standards, akin to a symphony of hypocrisy. Bravo, America! Your ability to juggle contradictions and maintain a straight face is truly awe-inspiring.

It is clear that the United States is leading the charge toward a utopian future, where unexploded bombs and cocaine-fueled antics pave the way to peace and prosperity. Let us raise a toast to their unwavering dedication to progress, for who needs consistency and logical coherence when you can have such entertaining chaos?

Knock… Knock… Ambassador Julie Chang, Are you there? Hellow… Can you hear me?

Sri Lanka Guardian

The Sri Lanka Guardian is an online web portal founded in August 2007 by a group of concerned Sri Lankan citizens including journalists, activists, academics and retired civil servants. We are independent and non-profit. Email: editor@slguardian.org

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