by Our Correspondent in Colombo
Lo and behold, dear denizens of this land of milkless tea and honey-less bread, we are witness to an act of such unparalleled virtue that even the bards of old would struggle to compose a ballad of fitting grandeur! The noble Minister Saroja Savithri Paulraj hath, in a gesture of celestial generosity, returned a sum so monumental—nay, so gargantuan—that the coffers of the state shall surely overflow with prosperity anew. The grand sum of 240 dollars, untouched and unsullied, was bequeathed back unto the treasurer of her ministry. Oh, sweet providence! The very receipt of this divine deed now gleams upon her social media, as if Moses himself had inscribed it upon a new tablet.
One must ponder, dear citizens, at the sheer selflessness of this act. A mere mortal, when given such an allowance for the treacherous task of navigating the wilds of Geneva (where lo! a sandwich costs the soul of a peasant), would surely have succumbed to the temptations of sustenance or, heaven forbid, a modest refreshment. But not our Minister! Nay, she hath braved the foreign lands with naught but the spirit of frugality and, perhaps, the humble assistance of alternative benefactors.
And let us not forget, dear readers, the immeasurable boon she has bestowed upon us in her wisdom. By parading this saintly return of funds before our eyes, she hath illuminated a new path for governance—one where ministers are mere monks, subsisting on the charity of fate and divine providence. Shall we now demand all who enter public office to renounce the earthly pleasures of state-funded biscuits and bottled water? Shall they walk barefoot to their summits of power, clothed in nothing but the rags of righteousness? Verily, it is the new age of politics!
But let us not be deceived! For while the common folk cheer this spectacle, there are whispers in the dark corners of our land. Could it be that by making such a grandiloquent display of modesty, the Minister seeks to gain the adoration of the ever-fickle masses? Perish the thought! Surely, such cunning and calculation belong only to the lowly rogues and scoundrels of the underworld, not to the paragons of virtue who grace our chambers of governance.
Ah, but this noble Minister is no stranger to triumph! For she is one among the top victors of the 2024 Parliamentary elections, where she bested a most dreamful candidate—a lawyer of much ambition and questionable allegiance. This lawyer, ’tis whispered, once lent his legal prowess to secure bail for none other than the alleged ringmaster of the Easter Sunday Attacks, Zaharan, during his sojourn in the dungeons of Batticaloa. A tale most curious, yet one that hath been swept under the ever-diligent rug of media discretion, as the present government doth weave its tapestry of grand conspiracies for the people, with none other than the ever-watchful Cardinal playing the tragic chorus in this ongoing saga of Sri Lanka.
Yet, let us cast our gaze beyond our borders, to the lands where kings and potentates feast upon gold-laced delicacies while their people scavenge for crumbs. In such a world, the return of a meagre 240 dollars would be as comical as a knight galloping into battle upon a chicken. But in our beloved republic, where every cent is counted, weighed, and politically paraded, this act shines forth as a beacon of something—be it hope, mockery, or sheer absurdity.
So let us rejoice, dear citizens! For with such gallant gestures, our leaders have set a new precedent. Soon, they shall work not for pay, but for love of the people! They shall forsake their salaries, their comforts, and their wealth! And lo, those who once saw politics as a lucrative enterprise shall flee to more honest trades—perhaps the noble art of extortion, or the age-old craft of smuggling. The future beckons, and it is free of cost!
Huzzah!
