When Nacho remembers the beginning of the abuse, he does not recall a single moment that defined the relationship. Instead, he remembers a gradual escalation: arguments that became routine, emotional pressure that became control, and eventually the first physical attack. “I remember perfectly the first slap my ex-boyfriend gave me,” he told El País. “That slap changed everything.”
Nacho, a 38-year-old gay man who asked not to reveal his surname, experienced what is known as intragender violence: abuse occurring within same-sex relationships. Although public institutions and LGBTQ+ organizations have recognized the existence of the problem, cases remain largely invisible, making it harder for victims to identify what is happening, seek help, or report their experiences.
His first relationship lasted around four years. He was 20 and his partner was 19 when the violence began to appear. The abuse initially took the form of repeated conflicts, including arguments that would last through the night. “He would wake me up at dawn to argue for one or two hours,” he recalled, describing the exhaustion and psychological impact caused by the situation.
The relationship later included threats and dangerous behavior. During one argument, his former partner threatened to jump from an open window. On another occasion, he jumped from a moving car while they were fighting. At the time, Nacho said he did not tell even his closest friends. Instead, he tried to explain his partner’s actions by focusing on his mental state and believing he was acting out of obsession or a need for attention. He never considered filing a complaint.
According to lawyer Ángeles Blanco, violence in homosexual relationships falls under family violence provisions in Spain’s Criminal Code. She explained to El País that this does not mean the punishment is lower than in other forms of domestic violence, but that the legal approach is different. Blanco said her law firm has handled numerous cases of intragender violence, describing them as a significant part of her work, while noting that the issue lacks the same public visibility and policy attention as other forms of violence.
One of her clients, Mayte, a 28-year-old lesbian woman with reduced mobility, described a relationship in which her dependence increased her vulnerability. She said her partner pushed her during arguments, prevented her from going to the bathroom, and left her alone for hours despite her need for assistance. She also reported sexual abuse. The relationship lasted more than three years, from 2017 to 2020, before she was able to leave.
“The objective of a violent person is control,” Blanco said, explaining that abuse does not always involve physical attacks. She added that gender stereotypes can also appear within same-sex relationships, with some forms of violence reflecting learned patterns of dominance and control. In her view, men may express violence through physical aggression, while women’s abusive behavior may more often involve psychological or emotional mechanisms.
For Mayte, recognizing the abuse was difficult despite knowing the concept of intragender violence. She said she did not expect a woman to reproduce dynamics she associated with male perpetrators. After leaving the relationship, she attempted to seek help but said she found few specific resources available. She reported feeling isolated throughout the legal and support process.
The difficulty in measuring the scale of the problem is linked to low reporting rates. The Spanish Ministry of Equality’s Arcoíris helpline, which assists victims of LGBTQ+ discrimination, recorded violence within same-sex relationships as one of the most common reasons for calls. In 2025, it was the second-largest reason for contacting the service. Julio del Valle, director general for LGBTQ+ equality at the ministry, said authorities had identified a problem requiring further analysis and public policies.
The State Federation of LGBTQ+ Organizations (Felgtbi+) has also documented recurring cases. Cristina P. Álvarez, the organization’s spokesperson for feminism, said the issue repeatedly emerged during meetings with LGBTQ+ women and highlighted the need for spaces where victims can discuss their experiences.
Alba, a 44-year-old lesbian woman, said she spent years in a relationship marked by humiliation, surveillance, invasions of privacy, and harassment. She described a cycle of conflict that affected her sleep, eating habits, work, and personal relationships. Fear of retaliation prevented her from leaving earlier, she said, because her former partner made her believe she could damage her reputation and career.
After the relationship ended, Alba said she only later recognized herself as a victim. Contact with other women who had been in relationships with the same person helped her identify a pattern. She also said a podcast about domestic abuse helped her understand experiences she had previously struggled to describe.
Cases involving both men and women show the challenges surrounding recognition and reporting. Blanco noted that male victims often face additional barriers because they may fear social judgment or being perceived as weak. In 2024, a man was sentenced in the Balearic Islands to 13 years in prison for killing his male partner, although no previous abuse complaints had been recorded.
As organizations and institutions continue to examine the issue, victims and advocates argue that greater recognition is needed. The experiences collected by El País show a form of violence that exists within LGBTQ+ relationships but remains difficult to identify, discuss, and address through existing support systems.
