For many families, the modern workday creates a difficult balance between professional responsibilities and time with children. According to figures cited by Die Zeit, 27 percent of couples with children in the household have both parents working full time. Their daily routines often involve careful planning, outside support and difficult decisions about how to divide attention between work and family life.
Developmental psychologist Lieselotte Ahnert has spent decades researching how children form emotional bonds and how relationships with parents and other caregivers shape development. In an interview with Die Zeit, she explains what happens when both parents work full time, what children need most from adults around them and why limited time does not necessarily mean weaker relationships.
Ahnert points to research dating back to the 1970s, when scientists in the United States examined whether children were affected differently depending on whether mothers worked outside the home. Those studies found that working mothers often organized daily life differently from mothers who stayed at home. They tended to structure their days more systematically and considered the needs of the entire family while managing work responsibilities.
According to Ahnert, these findings remain relevant today. Children in families where both parents work full time often learn early how to organize themselves. They become familiar with routines, schedules and responsibilities, which can prepare them for later demands at school and in professional life.
However, she emphasizes that the effects depend on how parents understand and support their children’s individual abilities. A highly structured daily routine is not always the best approach for every child. Some parents, particularly those in creative professions, may intentionally leave more space for spontaneity because they want to encourage imagination and independence.
Ahnert uses the example of writer Agatha Christie, whose mother rejected a strict school schedule because she believed it would limit her daughter’s creativity. Christie later received an education suited to her needs and went on to become one of the world’s most successful authors. For Ahnert, the example shows that children require both guidance and opportunities to explore their own interests.
The role of fathers is another important part of the discussion. Ahnert says many fathers still find it difficult to balance demanding careers with family responsibilities. Those who work very long hours are often the first to withdraw from childcare, assuming that mothers are better equipped for the task.
Research, however, does not support that assumption. Ahnert says fathers can make important contributions to children’s development, even when they spend less time with them. Studies show that fathers often help children develop emotional regulation, manage stress and build confidence in their physical abilities. They can also play a significant role in teaching children how to handle frustration, disappointment and competition, including through everyday activities such as board games.
When both parents work full time, children may experience highly organized schedules, but Ahnert warns against eliminating unstructured time entirely. Free time allows children to make decisions independently, explore their surroundings and interact with other children. Activities that may appear insignificant to adults — such as simply doing “nothing” after school — can help children develop confidence in their own abilities.
At the same time, independence does not mean parents can completely step away. Ahnert says parents should know who their children spend time with and should take an interest in their friendships. Understanding a child’s social environment allows parents to recognize influences and support healthy relationships.
Other adults can play a valuable role in children’s lives. Babysitters, childcare workers, teachers, relatives and grandparents can all become important attachment figures. According to Ahnert, it is beneficial for children to form close bonds with several trusted adults. These relationships strengthen social development and contribute to a child’s confidence and sense of security.
Parents should not feel threatened if their children enjoy spending time with other caregivers. Ahnert explains that parents remain children’s closest attachment figures, especially during difficult moments. When children are afraid, sick or distressed, they usually turn first to their parents. For that reason, parents must remain available when their children genuinely need them.
Illness is one situation where Ahnert believes parents should personally provide care whenever possible. Even if work commitments are demanding, children who are sick need close attention, particularly during the first days of an illness. Being present in these moments can strengthen the parent-child relationship.
For parents who have only limited time together each day, Ahnert rejects the idea that every shared moment must be extraordinary. The concept of “quality time” does not mean parents must constantly entertain their children or organize special activities. Instead, everyday conversations, disagreements and discussions about problems can strengthen family bonds.
A trip to an amusement park may be enjoyable occasionally, but Ahnert says it should not become a way to compensate for long absences. Quiet moments at home can be equally valuable because they give children opportunities to talk about worries, friendships and personal experiences.
Home office arrangements can also create new possibilities, but only if boundaries are clear. Ahnert says children often feel more secure when a parent is nearby, because they know help is available if something goes wrong. However, parents working from home must explain when they can and cannot be interrupted and may need additional childcare support during working hours.
Parents should also communicate honestly about work stress, Ahnert says. Children need to understand when adults are busy, but parents should avoid allowing professional pressure to turn into anger or constant frustration in front of them. Children often interpret adult emotions personally and may believe they are responsible.
The pressure to appear like a perfect family has also increased through social media, where carefully selected images can create unrealistic expectations. Ahnert argues that modern parenting cannot be measured by a single model. Social roles have changed, and there is no universal definition of perfect parenting.
For her, the essential measure is the relationship itself. Regardless of how much time a mother or father spends with a child, parents who build and maintain a strong, trusting connection are fulfilling a central part of their role.
